2020

Today’s All-Pitcher Lineup

Baseball is finally coming back. The only bad news is, with the addition of the universal DH this year and rumblings about it remaining next year, the era of #PitchersWhoRake could be coming to a close. In their honor, let’s create a lineup of the best hitting pitchers in today’s game.

Zack Greinke

1. Zack Greinke

When it comes to needing a leadoff hitter, there’s no pitcher faster than Zack Greinke. Besides a career .225 average with 9 home runs over the course of his career, Greinke also has the most stolen bases out of anyone on our list with 9. Greinke and his two Silver Sluggers have earned the leadoff spot on our all-pitcher squad.

Zack Greinke

Career Stats

519
AB
.225
AVG
9
HR
34
RBI
Adam Wainwright

2. Adam Wainwright

Wainwright has been a vocal advocate against the NL DH, and for good reason. Relative to the average pitcher, Wainwright has been an RBI monster during his 14-year career with the Cards. In 685 career ABs (more than a full season for a position player), Adam drove in 71 runs with close to 50 extra-base hits. Once Greinke gets on base with a drag bunt, there’s nobody else I’d rather have to drive him in from first.

Adam Wainwright

Career Stats

685
AB
.199
AVG
10
HR
71
RBI
Madison Bumgarner

3. Madison Bumgarner

Imagine you’re pitching against this all-pitcher squad. You just let up back-to-back hits to Greinke and Wainwright and you’re looking for a way out of the inning. You’re palming the rosin bag when suddenly Blake Shelton’s “God’s Country” starts booming through the stadium. You turn around and see 250 pounds of pure tractor-tire-flipping North Carolinian strength standing in the box. I’d wave in a reliever.

Madison Bumgarner

Career Stats

594
AB
.177
AVG
19
HR
62
RBI
Michael Lorenzen

4. Michael Lorenzen

Should the DH expand it’s reign over the NL, Lorenzen might be the only pitcher on this list you’ll still see taking hacks. Known for his big biceps, triple-digit fastball and tape-measure moonshots, Lorenzen is a cleat chaser’s dream. While his career is relatively young, the Reds pitcher has pieced together an impressive .235 average over five seasons, including a few starts in the outfield. For this reason, Lorenzen is the logical pick to hit behind MadBum.

Michael Lorenzen

Career Stats

145
AB
.235
AVG
7
HR
24
RBI
German Marquez

5. German Marquez

There had to be some Coors Field love in this lineup. The 2018 Silver Slugger put together perhaps the best hitting season out of anyone on this lineup. In his award-winning season, Marquez hit an incredible .300 in 65 plate appearances. He’s also the first pitcher to homer off a position player, because Coors Field is gonna Coors Field.

German Marquez

Career Stats

159
AB
.233
AVG
1
HR
21
RBI
Noah Syndergaard

6. Noah Syndergaard

Syndergaard, along with being Michael Lorenzen’s workout buddy, is one of the strongest pitchers in the league. He’s translated that strength to the plate pretty well, connecting for 6 home runs in his young five-year career. Now all he needs is a bat knob decal that says “Thor’s Hammer”.

Noah Syndergaard

Career Stats

222
AB
.153
AVG
6
HR
15
RBI
Brandon Woodruff

7. Brandon Woodruff

Brandon Woodruff may be the most underrated hitting pitcher in the league. The contender for the 2019 Silver Slugger had a breakout year in 2019, hitting .267 and making his first All Star Game (for his pitching, unfortunately). This budding offensive career could benefit from the veteran mentorship of Zack Greinke and Adam Wainwright. He’s already gotten a taste for the clutch, which our next pitcher knows all too well.

Brandon Woodruff

Career Stats

63
AB
.254
AVG
1
HR
5
RBI
Clayton Kershaw

8. Clayton Kershaw

This lefty ace has some history with more than a few pitchers on this list, both good and bad. The highlight of his offensive career was definitely Opening Day of 2013, when Kershaw scored the first run of the Dodgers season with a blast to center field. He won’t put up jaw-dropping home run numbers, but he’s our eight-hole hitter because he’s good for a clutch base hit every once in a while. We’ll be sure not to put his locker next to Bumgarner’s.

Clayton Kershaw

Career Stats

662
AB
.159
AVG
1
HR
37
RBI
Julio Teheran

9. Julio Teheran

We round off our lineup with one of the best sacrifice bunters in the league. Teheran, now in the American League with the Angels, won’t get to show off his bunting prowess anymore, but from 2013-2019 he recorded 66 sac bunts, leading the league in 2015 and 2019. His bunting ability, along with his ability to swing it every once in a while, makes him a perfect second leadoff in the nine hole.

Julio Teheran

Career Stats

382
AB
.147
AVG
1
HR
26
RBI
Max Scherzer

Pinch Runner: Max Scherzer

Scherzer is the only pitcher I’d consider putting on the bases. He’s a hard-nosed baserunner who always operates at 110%. It may be scary for a manager, but it’s pretty fun to watch as a fan.

Bartolo Colon

Pinch Hitter: Bartolo Colon

If you need a home run off the bench, you know who to call.

Bartolo Colon

Career Stats

299
AB
.084
AVG
1
HR
11
RBI

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